Let’s Fart Let’s Fart Spread my cheeks apart and fart Let’s burp Let’s burp Open up my mouth and burp Let’s cuss Let’s cuss Let all those dirty words out and cuss Let’s do all three Let’s do all three Gross out the kids, Piss of the wife, ruin the party and do all three Let’s fart again Cause it feels so good Let’s fart again Let’s not pretend it’s the end Let’s Fart

Well I got put on probation, by my good ol friend Corky I'll write a song on probation, cause Corky was a bit grumpy I followed the loose rules given, but he said that I did it all wrong Well I've had the blues and feel I'm gonna die, cause Corky didn't like my song See I've got blues and feel like I wanna cry,cause Corky didn't like my song Well you say you like my band and that we have a sound thats fresh you say you cant quite find the genre to fit us into But my lyrics seem dark and unclean and you ask me what all my songs titles mean and want me to explain everything to you Kiss my ass and suck my twat if you don't like the songs I got I write them for the smarter folks who care If ya wanna hear some happy tunes go fuckin listen to some Big Bang Boom and dance with all the 10 year olds in there You ask if I know Wagon Wheel You ask if I know Simple man you say you're getting married and want to play guitar for your friends to hear And you got good money on hand if you can play a few songs with the band and that you'll tip us well,if you can use my gear Kiss my ass and suck my twat if you don't like the songs I got I'll keep writing my songs, you keep drinking beer If you want to hear the songs you know go hear the Plaids play Jenny Jenny at their show with all the khaki wearing popped collar Wake Forest fucks around here Your bar is just a doublewide but you tell me to come inside You tell me to setup in the corner of your shack You say "we dont' have much cash for you But we cooked a mean chicken stew" Then ya asked me if I know that song by Nickleback Kiss my ass and suck my twat if you don't like the songs I got You love my music but want me to play for free If my songs are too dark for you I think Jason and Jerry might be playing tonight too and they'll play ya happy 8 song medley's in the key of E Well I won't badmouth Duncan cause I don't know him well and Clay is 7 foot 18 inches, so I guess I'll say he's swell. I guess Ill be like Mitchell Snow, and off to Canada is where I'll go and we'll both write fantastic records and never put them out! (Spoken word) Well I met Albus for the first time the other day he was getting ready to sing some Prince.. Darling Nikki to be exact and I asked him.. will you hit those high notes? and he said why yes I didn't believe that shit for a minute, but when he got on that mic and started belting out those lyrics I swear he sounded like somone put his nuts in a vice just right, and he hit those ungodly orgasmic screams at the end of that song like he was getting double fucked by two black studs. So Kudos Albus Kudos. you probably wont' give me points but kudos Kiss my ass and suck my twat if you don't like the songs I got I probably wont' get any points for them like I said And I think I've name dropped you all this Monday morning shits been a ball but now I've got to go Gonna go fingerbang my girl, and watch the new walking Dead

She wakes up the morning after and knows there's work to do She opens up her laptop and clicks on yahoo. She barely let her guard down, it was just a little slip She needs to know if she can get pregnant from playing just the tip Just the tip It was only about an inch A pickup game of b-ball on a Sunday afternoon He gets picked by the shirts team and he's over the moon Cuz if he had to take his shirt off, he knows he'd get ripped When the fellas finally found out he was playing with just one nip Just one nip If they saw it they'd lose their shit So single nip and just the tip flipped the script and they got hitched Had a baby boy and they named him Kip and that baby had a wonderful life.....with two nipples of his very own. They decided ixnay on havin' more kids A little family unit, mom and dad and just the Kip Just the Kip Now a condom prevents a slip So they can keep it just the Kip

I was busy strangling puppies Beating grandma, lynching yuppies Or whatever else it is you think I do On my weekends off I'm not the devil, just an Ordinary level of those Knee-jerk, commie bastard Colbert-sucking pinko types And I refuse to hear you through I'll tell you why Cause you're a douchebag Nothing in that poor kid's belly Least you've got your Megyn Kelly Centerfold to keep you warm And I'm a white flag Giving up the ghost so soon Always showing up at high noon Just in time to step in slime Apologies for mujahideen Drop my shoulder setting screens Wouldn't know what fair play was If Bill O'Reilly walked me home So let's agree to disagree And learn to use the backspace key Long before we have this talk again at the Police precinct And I refuse to hear you through I'll tell you why Cause you're a douchebag Nothing in that poor kid's belly Least you've got your Megyn Kelly Centerfold to keep you warm And I'm a white flag Giving up the ghost so soon Always showing up at high noon Just in time to step in slime So I'll go play in traffic And you can go and f- yourself And ain't we wiser now we've had this little interchange?

Can we watch TV? Just one more please? No turn it off! Is it school today? You said we could play! Cmon it’s time to go They keep building up and building up and STOP! What is, what is? Questions keep coming non-stop Once is, once is I heard you the first time and once is enuff I already answered and once is enough Can we have a treat? Do technology? First eat your food! Can I have some help? No I want to do it myself? I can't read your thoughts!