is there anyone here who doesn't need a little fixing
is there anyone here who doesn't need to be saved
cause we just might have a sweet elixir
we just might have the very thing
to fend off the grave
and in this corner, we present
for enlightenment of youth
a moral tale of grace and greed
of turpitude and truth
Old Widow Koehn had riches boxed
beneath her bed forsooth
she locked it down, boys, she locked it down
she scrimped and saved her whole life through
for the leisured days to come
she'd expedite for island shores
and sip Jamaican rum
when the dread tornado came to call
with the force of an atom bomb
the only thing left standing was that box
oh, you're gonna die
and you're gonna hurt
and you're gonna scream your empty prayers
to the sky
so raise your glass into the air
and let's pretend we're millionaires
and we'll kiss all our cares goodbye
sweet Sally Childs was well and good
she didn't see it come
a runny nose, a paper cut
a blister on her thumb
at breakfast she was dancing
and by dinner, deaf and dumb
oh, they'll get you boys, oh, they'll get you good
and little William Duff was a little mean and rough
we can't say that he deserved a leisured life
but that beggar's pot he skimmed
so they tore him limb from limb
they'll get you boys, oh, they'll get you good
oh, you're gonna die
and you're gonna hurt
and you're gonna scream your empty prayers
to the sky
so raise your glass into the air
and let's pretend we're millionaires
and we'll kiss all our cares goodbye
is there anyone here who doesn't need a little fixing
is there anyone here who doesn't need to be saved
cause we just might have a sweet elixir
we just might have the very thing
to fend off the grave
oh, you're gonna die
and you're gonna hurt
and you're gonna scream your empty prayers
to the sky
so raise your glass into the air
and let's pretend we're millionaires
and we'll kiss our sorry asses goodbye
and we'll kiss our sorry asses goodbye
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